July 06, 2005

Confession

I over reacted today.

Oh yah, I know what you are thinking. She has the tendency to jump the gun. Yes, sometimes I do. It’s called knee-jerking. My mistake though, was telling the reason I knee-jerked.

When I told my friend S. about this, his response was… awww… you knee-jerked. He knows me! If only everyone was so understanding. It’s why I love him. Easily. Simply. He gets me.

Why is it that I am so terribly good at keeping some secrets and then so strikingly bad at keeping others.

What concerns me is that I need to end this. To put a finish on what is eating at me. I can’t handle the disappointment again. If I am completely honest with myself, I say I am ready… but…. it’s not enough. I am not ready.

Scar tissue.

No, that is too simple. It’s not scar tissue. It’s a choice I have made.

I am vulnerable. And it makes me dangerous. Like a cornered animal, I could strike out at any moment.

You know what started all of this nonsense?

Missing.

You see now why I have to end this? Prune it out before the morning glory squeezes it out? It’s better to make the decision than to let fate have it’s way.

But Galiano waits. Dionisio is flushed with green and the rocks on the hidden beach are as smooth as the cherries I picked in Lac Le Hache.

My soul can rest a bit. There is nothing that must be decided today that cannot wait for tomorrow.

And you, trying to sneak out the back…. be patient with me. I will come around back to reality.


G.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you are a beautiful woman and i love being with you. dont run away
and i wont either