Beauty in the Breakdown

Oh how we, as humble human beings, love drama. It seems my post has received some attention because I posted Christopher's name. Does everyone not see this was intentional?

Holly S. wrote me to tell me the following:

G,

You dont know me but I came across your blog about an affair you had with Chris. You are very detailed in this blog and you even have his first and last name as the title. I think just out of consideration for him and his family it would be best if you remove his name from the title of your blog. I am a freind of Chris's and I know he is a good person and does not deserve to have his personal affairs exposed to all on the internet. I would sincerely appreciate you doing this just so noone one runs across this again. I understand you were just expressing yourself but I noticed you named your current boyfriend J. and did not show his full name but you did not do the same for Chris. You went as far as to his full name and where he lives ****** That is pretty obvious. Not a whole lot of Chris F's reside here in Memphis. That is exposing something very personal and hurtful. I was shocked when I came across it and I am sure his family would be too.

Thank you,
H

Knowing me as you do now, you know that I could not stay still... but had to respond. I am a woman of words.... and I think my response says it all.

I appreciate your writing me to voice your concerns. Part of why I posted his name in this way was to reach out.

I am not sure if you have experienced the kind of loss Christopher and I went through... I hope not. But there is always this lingering question... "Is he ok?" We did a horrible number on ourselves and those that we loved. I am not attempting to hurt anyone further, but instead... this was much easier than calling him at work, correct? I think if you read the post with an open mind, you might understand that this is not a post about Christopher so much as about me.

He and I both know that there is no going back. You would understand, if you have lost someone.

Nothing is accidental. I was reaching out into the dark looking for information. And look what I found. You. But it's unfortunate that you hold judgement in your heart. Act shocked all you like, it was not a secret then.... and even though we all have pushed what happened into the past, none of us has forgotten. And hurtful is not the intention.

It's the truth. And the truth can be ugly and beautiful. It's all about perspective.

Perhaps you will have the courage to tell him some crazy Canadian posted in an anonymous blog about him. If you do, congratulate him on the birth of his second child for me. And tell him I am ok with things the way they are. That there should be no shame, what does not kill us makes us deeper, richer. That being awake is wondrous. And so is moving on.

Or did you miss that part in the blog? The part where I commend him with rebuilding his marriage. His wife is an amazing and forgiving woman. Oh wait... you judged me without reading past the "affair" part. Did you read that my own marriage ended? Did you go further back in the blog to discover that J. is not just a "boyfriend" but my life partner?

I feel sadness that it's you that will be the one to deliver my message. I had hoped for someone with a deeper sense of understanding. If you aren't going to send it on, that's fine. I will wait for someone to reach out who will.

Again, thank you for the time it took to write the email. I wish instead, I could have thanked you for reading it.

And just for your information, there are many Chris' in Tennessee.


G.