"Spread your flesh on me
I need you wild tonight" ~ Jack Harlan
My bed seems empty. The apartment more bare. I am pool of water with only the ripples as memories.
Why is it that the presence of someone only makes you realize how alone you are in their absence? It makes me feel more vulnerable. More on the edge of myself.
I suddenly realized that there was no point of return, that if it came down to it, there was no preventing the ache of losing. If I risk nothing, I gain nothing. Despite the dangerous coffee shop girls or the shoe fetish.
But this hardly touches the other things I wonder about. (For other days... ) How couples match one another... when does that start? Please, lord... shoot me if I match my shirt to his shoes. Or what happens if I wake up one morning and it's gone. Is that possible? Or... god forbid... my friends think he is only half as amazing as I did.
No worries. There are always lips on this happiness. Always that shadow of doubt. (Or is there? It could be just damage control.)
It's pettiness.
What really seems to matter is trying to figure out if his eyes are green or brown. Or both.
I am going to savor the missing. It means that there is more to know, more to want... more ... more...
G.
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