Something Blue..........

We all accept things as they are. Accept, for example, that our mates are not as into art or gardening as we are… or they accept that we may not like hockey, football or the latest stats on the percentage of women who have breast implants. (And dayam, don’t the look real?) I know I have settled for this acceptance. Said to myself, really… compared to the big things, this is so small.

But that is a slippery slope.

Those small things grow. Become larger issues. So he drinks too much? So what if he can’t keep his eyes off the waitresses? So I hate how he sounds when he chews. (Would a knife in the jaw kill him?)

We have all been there. Made the rationalization that those things we don’t really care for, those things that make our good sense shudder, will really not matter on the large scale… long term.

Wrong.

I have loved like that. Only really given myself half permission. We know in our souls if something is going to go south. Instinct. I don’t know if there is a correlation or not. The petty small annoyances, the compromising principles and half love. But I suspect that we have all known somewhere in ourselves if something will work or not. If the fact that he hangs his clothes on the doorknob will just be an excuse later, a direction in which to throw your disappointment.

I am in love with this amazing, messy, distracted, kind, loyal, and sweetly selfish man. Yes. I have accepted all of this…. All of the nuances of him. (I am sure that there will be more discovered.) But not once have I settled. Not once have I had to rationalize or play the excuses over in my head. This is not a court of law. This is my heart. And, let’s be honest, I am hardly perfect. Have you seen my closet?

I have tried to explain this a couple of times to people who get that glazed over look, it’s not that difficult a concept. But I think it’s in our nature to assume that acceptance is a form of “settling”. We are who we are. And the moment we understand this, and not just say … but KNOW that there is no changing our lovers, husbands, boyfriends… friends… family… the happier we all will be.

I cannot change you. But I would not want to. You are who you are… and I fell in love with that man.

This does not mean that there are not seven hundred beautiful things. There are. Time will only add to that deck of cards.

This brings an interesting twist to ponder. Will internet dating allow us to have more control over who we meet… to slow down the roulette of what we must compromise on? Will there be less settling, more “Hello, Goodbye”. It’s an interesting idea… that the way we met… under the circumstances, allowed me the ability to choose WHO and what I wanted more.

Of course it’s not going to be all wine and roses. Of course.

But I know that we are on the same page… that I “get him” enough to move through it. And perhaps, even enjoy it as an opportunity to learn something new.

Settle. Nah.



G.